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We have regional guides to France - to help you decide where to buy!

We have a new writer who has a wry sense of humour - so you can learn and enjoy at the same time!

Some extracts:

France Regional Guides

Writing about Provence (PACA): “The Alps of Provence are home to the marmot, a 5kg mountaineering hamster, which wards off predators by chattering its teeth. Must try that. Marmots hibernate for nine months of the year and seal their burrow with faeces. Marmots are an endangered species because they’re so slow at breeding. Your love-life would probably suffer too if your front door was sealed with faeces.” For more from this guide - Provence Guide

Limousin Guide: “Limousin is slap in the middle of France (and left a bit). It’s very rural and is the second least populated region after Corsica. It is also the only French region to have given its name to a 20′ car with a jacuzzi in the back. Historians claim the association comes from the very long cloaks worn by Limousin shepherds, though what shepherds were doing driving limos is anyone’s guess.”

Poitou-Charentes Guide: “Her first husband was Louis VII. In 1146 they embarked together on the Second Crusade, referred to in subsequent accounts as ‘Ye Terminal Fyve of Crusades’. Half way across the Phrygian mountains, Eleanor and Louis started a ‘domestic’ over the amount of luggage she’d brought (plus ça change). While they were still bickering, the Turks attacked. Surviving the attack but somewhat discouraged, Ellie and Lou decided to go for an easier target and attacked Damascus - much to the surprise of their allies, the Damascans. An act of indiscriminate slaughter and pillage can often bring a couple closer together (Relayte Handebooke, 1178) but not the Aquitaines, who eventually returned to Poitiers on separate ships.”

Rhone-Alpes Guide: “The capital of Rhône-Alpes is France’s third largest city Lyon. (We spell it Lyons, possibly through confusion with the tea-rooms). Lyon’s international airport is named after the writer and pilot Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, who hasn’t been seen since he took off in his monoplane in 1944. Some consider this naming unfortunate for an airport - like Titanic Cruises or The John Prescott Diet.”

Enjoy!

Popularity: 11% [?]

Despite the fact that Brits are big buyers of property in France, they have a terrible reputation in France whilst buying a property. Why?

a) The big reason - Brits book appointments to view and then do not turn up.
b) The Brits expect to view during lunchtime (noon to 2pm). Mon dieu!
c) Wasting time!
d) Culture differences

Appointments

No doubt this is the biggest issue! Appointments are often made, and broken without any communication with the Immobilier. Potential buyers should be aware that the Immobilier has set aside a time frame to show you a property (and in many cases will have turned down other potential clients at the same time); he has organised a viewing time with the vendor - so the vendor can have set aside time to receive you! Many Immobilier will ask for a mobile number whilst you are viewing in France to ring you and confirm a viewing. Often Immobilier complain that mobiles are turned off or the British clients have not arranged international roaming and so they do not work in France!

Brits when asked about the lack of communication will often get aggressive and cannot see how inconsiderate and rude they have been! A classic excuse: “I was stuck on the motorway”. When asked “Which French Autoroute?”. Reply: “We are still on the M1 in England”. Yes - not even in France. “Not our fault we did not ring you!”. Then, of course, the good fallback - “It was too expensive to ring you on our mobile. International mobile calls are so expensive you know!”. Just how much was that property you were going to buy?

Lunchtime Viewings

Brits just do not appreciate how important le “Lunchtime” is. It is a sacrosanct 2 hours that the French enjoy - it is a passion to eat well and savour the ambience of food, wine and talk. How often do you hear “Don’t they want to sell me a property? Why won’t they arrange a viewing so that it will fit in with my viewing schedule?” Don’t forget one of the reasons you buying a property in France is too enjoy the French life style and culture.

Wasting time

Another classic - “I’m holiday in the area, can I have a butcher’s at a few houses while I am here?”. Often asked during July and August - when most French go on holiday - so Immobilier will be on skeleton staff (if not closed), and the Vendor could be on holiday too. Consequently viewings can be extremely difficult to arrange.

In many cases, the most frustrating time-waster “I have a property to sell in the UK!” Remember once you have made an offer which is accepted, you will have to sign the “Compromis de Vente”. This document commits you to buying - normally the process takes about 3 months with the Notaire. You HAVE to be in a position to buy - do not make offers if you cannot complete with 3 months (approximate time frame).

Culture Differences

We have already mentioned the Lunchtime issue! Brits have to realise that the pace of life in France is different. Everything is more laid-back. You are going to have to get used to it! This is France and what you are buying into. Yes, at times it can be frustrating. You are in France so do not expect to dictate your terms of reference on the French.

Are we really that bad?

Of course, most of the Brits are NOT representative of the above. They are all too ready to adapt to the French style of life, and enjoy their experience in France. Many Brits even become friends with their Immobilier! 

Popularity: 78% [?]

Oh no another bad week of business as the nation is besotted by the England World Cup progress as we march onto to another triumph.

I know this is not a universal opinion but I thought there was big improvement in the performance yesterday - real signs that the team is taking shape. Of course, there is plenty of room for improvement.

Not sure that Rooney’s best position is as a striker but he did enough to suggest that he can grow into this new role.  He caused enough problems to give opportunities to the support cast of Lampard and Gerrard - it is a pity that they did not bring their shooting boots with them!

In defence Paul Robinson still looks shaky when called upon to catch centres but I still have faith that he is the best goalie we have. Well, Owen Hargreaves was a revelation (again) and not so sure we should replace him with a fit Neville! Ferdinand and Terry had their moments but looked solid in the 2nd half. Another storming match from Ashley Cole too!

Where art have you been dear Carrick? He was man of the match in my opinion, and I hope Sven does leave him out yet with another permutation. His passing and vision was brilliant. We cannot afford to drop him!

Lampard, Joe Cole, and Gerrard had poor games. When they are firing on all cylinders we will be a force - and they will need to be far more productive against Portugal.

Captain Beckham - yes, he scored a magnificent goal- but I still doubt his overall contribution to the team. First I do not see him as a captain - I would much prefer John Terry - who I feel would demand more on the field. Second Beckham is limited to delivering free kicks, corners and passes. I know he has delivered more passes than anybody else in the tournament but then he takes all the set pieces it is no surprise. Through the sheer volume he has to deliver some good balls. Lampard, Cole, Gerrard and Rooney could all take free kicks/corners and I am sure they would deliver! I am sorry Becks but I think you should bow out and let Lennon cause problems for defences. Lennon would deliver more crosses than Beckham as he has the ability to beat people with his skill! Unfortunately , I do not see Sven making such a change and Lennon will remain an impact player!

Roll on Saturday with Deco and Costinha out through suspension, we have a real chance to progress to the semi-finals!

Popularity: 9% [?]

Well we are through to the next round! But what a struggle? Surely our performance must improve? Otherwise I can see a quick exit from the competition. Well that is not all bad news then - the property market is dead! We hope it is due to the nation’s interest in the competition.

With Michael Owen out of the competition, and a half fit Rooney - where we do go next? Walcott seems to have been a mistake unless Sven is keeping an ace up his sleeves, and he will unleash him in the next round?

Perhaps we will play 5 in midfield with Rooney up front, and bring on Crouch when he tires in the second half. I thought Owen Hargreaves played quite well in a holding role so we can assume he may keep his place with Beckham (although I would like to see Lennon given a chance), Lampard, Gerrard and Cole making up the numbers. This formation would allow Lampard and Gerrard to attack. Lampard must get one shot on target soon!

One of the most worrying aspects was the fragility of our defence from set pieces. Bring back Ferdinand, Campbell seemed to be off the pace. Hopefully, the coaches can rectify the  marking before the next match.

I still believe we can beat Ecuador but will we go much further?  Realistically no unless we can find some fluency and pace in attack. Oh well, at least business should be picking up soon then!!

Popularity: 10% [?]

Good luck to our lads as they fly off to win the World Cup! Notice the immense optimism! After thumping Jamaica - of course, we can win with our new super striker Peter Crouch. Can this be the same striker who went half a season without scoring a goal? Who needs Wayne Rooney anyway!! If you believe the Press we can win the tournament - did I see a pig fly past? No it was just 2 jags Prescott on another freebie.
No doubt reality will strike on Saturday - England are notorious slow starters at World Cups so we might struggle to gain points against Paraguay. We will beat T & T in the next, and I am sure T & T will be on the plane back home pretty quickly with their G & Ts. Sweden - how long since we have beaten them? - well too long for sure. I suspect we might draw!

From there on, it will be plain sailing to the Final - Wayne Rooney will appear as a substitute and score a hatrick! Sven will then have to decide who to play: legs eleven Crouch or Mickey Rooney. David Beckham will have been red carded and will have to miss 2 matches. Sven will then be playing 4 1 3 3. Owen Hargreaves in the holding mid-field role; Lampard, Gerrard and Cole in mid-field and our 3 Galacticos: Crouch, Rooney and Owen up front.

Who will we play en route to the Final? France, Germany, Portugal, Brazil. Really nothing to worry about is there? In the Final we will win 4 -2 against the Germans - deja vu or a dream?

Popularity: 8% [?]

Read twice……

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front
desk.

Popularity: 12% [?]